I'm not sure where my hormones are running today, but it's been a tough one. My mom leaves tomorrow for a week and I know that is part of it.
So XDAH and I haven't talked all week. We can usually send text messages making small talk, etc. It's been since Monday. I know he is pursuing another relationship, and that is his right. As he tells me, if I won't take him back, then he is not going to sit around and wait. I can't blame him. I know when my time comes to dating again, I won't want him bugging me also. But for some reason, I have really wanted to talk to him today. It won't do any good, I am not even sure why, but I have just broke down and cried so much today. I wish I had answers. I'm finally realizing I have lost my best friend. The one I laughed with, played games with, went out to eat with, just anything. I can't even target whether it is specifically XDAH I am crying over or just feelings in general. I hope that makes sense. As the holiday gets closer, traditions start brewing and I know it's not going to be the same this year and that just makes me weep. I never wanted to be the one in my family to get divorced, much less raise a child alone. And now here I am.
Then I start thinking, if I really don't want to be back with him, why is this really so hard? I should be happy knowing I am not in a troubled relationship anymore, but it's just not that easy.
Thanks for listening. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!!
3 comments:
Mere,
I don't know if this is the right time to say all what I am about to say, but I think it is. I want to encourage you to think of God as your husband now, not anyone else. He wants to be that to you. It is scriptural, by the way. There is an entire book of the Bible, called Hosea, in which God tells the prophet Hosea to take a wife who is an adulteress, and love her anyway. God wanted the nation that He had called His own to be his bride,( Israel), and Israel as a nation of people who at first loved God so much, began to put God on the back burner, so to speak, and went after other things, deciding not to love the Lord with all her heart and soul anymore. Hosea's wife became a symbol of the relationship God had with Israel. In the book, Hosea represented God, who just kept loving his bride, even when she went harloting after other men. God so wanted to be her only and first choice, and wanted her to be his bride.
The reason I am telling you this, is that you didn't ask for this all to happen, but God wants to be a husband to you, comforting you and giving you peace and strength to get you through. The way to respond to Him is to get into the WORD and find HIM THERE. He is waiting....You and your baby have a dad and a husband, so get to KNOW HIM. He is SO MUCH BETTER than anyone else you could lean on. I didn't mean this as preaching, I mean for you to take this as a HUG from me, that you can be assured that you are NOT ALONE. HE IS WITH You. As a matter of fact, that is what Christmas is all about, Him being our Immanuel, our GOD WITH US.
I love you niece, and wish I could be there to love on you right now.
Aunt Joyce
I agree with your Aunt Joyce Mere. Look to God, he is there beside. Find comfort in his words.
I understand how you feel about having a divorced family. But, you know what, it hasn't been that bad. It felt like my world was crashing...not going as I planned..and on one of those lonely crying nights God helped me and has been there for me and my new family.
God has a reason, he has a path for you and if you will listen he will guide you, you will get that family you have wanted, ..you have to stay strong...
Hang in there babe, I wish I could see you more or have a miracle drug for HEART BURN and NAUSEA!! If you find it let me know!!!
Love you,
Sarah F.
My Mere,
It looks like everyone has already given you a good guide to go by for your troubles. As you know everything happens for a reason and although we may not know that reason right away you will one day. And on that day it will all see more clearer to you. You are being very strong to the world, but you also need to know that your lonely and hardest times do not have to be spent alone. We are all here for you and want to comfort you whenever you need us to. We are just a phone call away and some of use just a few steps. I love you girl and I don't know that there is anything anyone can say to make you feel better, but I do know that we can be here for you for anything whether you just want to vent or you just want to laugh, cry, whatever reason. We all love you very much and will be here for you every step of the way. I am here when you need me and I love you like you were my own sister.
Love Always,
Rhonda
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