I'm not sure where my hormones are running today, but it's been a tough one. My mom leaves tomorrow for a week and I know that is part of it.
So XDAH and I haven't talked all week. We can usually send text messages making small talk, etc. It's been since Monday. I know he is pursuing another relationship, and that is his right. As he tells me, if I won't take him back, then he is not going to sit around and wait. I can't blame him. I know when my time comes to dating again, I won't want him bugging me also. But for some reason, I have really wanted to talk to him today. It won't do any good, I am not even sure why, but I have just broke down and cried so much today. I wish I had answers. I'm finally realizing I have lost my best friend. The one I laughed with, played games with, went out to eat with, just anything. I can't even target whether it is specifically XDAH I am crying over or just feelings in general. I hope that makes sense. As the holiday gets closer, traditions start brewing and I know it's not going to be the same this year and that just makes me weep. I never wanted to be the one in my family to get divorced, much less raise a child alone. And now here I am.
Then I start thinking, if I really don't want to be back with him, why is this really so hard? I should be happy knowing I am not in a troubled relationship anymore, but it's just not that easy.
Thanks for listening. I hope everyone is having a great weekend!!