I get a little bit stronger.

Almost four years ago I made the biggest decision of my life. I made the decision to leave a cheating husband and raise a child on my own. I got a little bit stronger.

I chose my own life and the life of an unborn child. I was strong. I was strong because of my own will, my own stubbornness, and my support group. I endured 9 months of pregnancy not knowing if this child's father would be in the picture. I got a little bit stronger.

On May 1, 2008, Olivia Rose was born into the world. I got a little bit stronger.

I indeed was going to raise my daughter alone. The decision I made in September 2007 was the decision I was going to have to keep, no matter the circumstances. Thank GOD I chose the decision for the unborn life. My family and my friends kept Olivia and I afloat (and still do!). I couldn't hold all the shed tears in a gallon jug if I tried. I got a little bit stronger.

I was forced to enter into a long and hard divorce, including a foreclosure and child support from a man I really wanted nothing to do with. I got a little bit stronger.

In November 2008, I was forced to say goodbye to my grandfather. Cancer took him away from me, but no one can ever take my memories. I miss him everyday and my one wish was that Olivia could have known him longer. I got a little bit stronger.

In July 2010, I made another huge decision for Olivia and me. I packed us up and moved to Texas. Sometimes it still feels like a vacation and soon I'll 'go home'. Yet, God led me this direction and He shall be the one who unfolds the reasons. A small corner has already been unfolded; my sister and I have the strongest relationship I could ever ask for. My only hope is our daughters will some day have that same bond. I got a little bit stronger.

A little over a year ago, I let someone in. Someone who made me happy, someone who made my daughter laugh, someone who accepted me and my 'baggage'. He helped me get a little bit stronger. As I sit here with tears streaming down my face, I am dealing with the fact that about a month ago, I had to let him move on. Once again, I got a little bit stronger.

My daughter is now almost three, and I have gotten a LOT stronger. She is happy and healthy. She is my backbone. She is my sunshine. She is my world.

People come and people go. As I get older and more mature, I can look back and just about pinpoint why everyone is/was placed into my life. I could sit here and name friends/family and say something about each one; but I won't, because I try everyday to let those people know face to face or ear to ear. I get a little bit stronger.

Watch out world.... I'm getting just a little bit stronger everyday..... for myself and her.

Sara Evans - A Little Bit Stronger

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger

Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger

And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger.

And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby

And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change

I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger

I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

To All the Single Mamas.... All the Single Mamas..

It is time I put these thoughts to paper... no, that's not right, to the internet!

Today is Sunday, we have been out of school since last Monday. A freak ice/snow storm hit North Texas and we were out of school, therefore Olivia was out of daycare. Let's get the obvious out of the way... it wasn't expected and I've never really had a desire to be a stay at home Mom. Now, before the tomatoes start throwing... I LOVE my daughter, but I followed my dreams into my career as well. I LOVE teaching young minds and therefore my heart is in a career. I do believe being a stay-at-home mom IS a career... especially after these last 6 days... trust me.

What I did WRONG these six days:
-I let my daughter cry a bit in the mornings so that she would sleep in longer.
-I let Nick Jr. be her teacher. Namely, Dora, Diego, and Wonder Pets.
-I yelled... a lot more than I should ever again.
-I let her eat powdered donuts for breakfast... and lunch... and sometimes dinner.
-I let her tell me NO more than she ever should have... but it wasn't worth the fight.
-I let her sit on the couch to eat dinner.
-I let her eat ice/snow off her boots (eek!).
-I made it very clear to her when I was NOT happy. This made her cry. She would cry and say "Please be happy Mommy, you're happy." (Tear.)

What I did RIGHT these six days:
-I let my daughter help make her own pancakes.
-I taught her how to dump her potty WITHOUT it getting all over the toilet seat and herself.
-I taught her how to make a snow ball.
-I taught her the importance of taking a nap so she wouldn't be grumpy... I was about 75% successful.
-I taught her how to eat snow.... but not necessarily from her boots.
-I let her eat snow ice cream.
-I taught her how to turn on and off the TV.... this may or may not have been a good thing... the decision is still out.
-I taught her WHY Mommy wasn't happy. "Mommy is only happen when you LISTEN, Olivia, and right now you are not LISTENING to Mommy. Mommy is NOT happy."

Sigh. It has been a tough week. Therefore, my post concludes to the single Moms out there. It is not fun all the time, it is not easy all the time, it is not rewarding all the time... but what it is all the time is life. This is my life and this is how I live it: One step at a time, looking back to only improve, and moving forward with purpose. I am stronger because my daughter HAS TO rely on me. I am stronger because I AM her LIFE. If I don't do it... who else will?

What makes you stronger?

Her Mind Goes a Mile a Minute...

Here is the conversation that took place this morning in about 3 minutes:

I had just gotten out of the shower and was getting dressed in my room. Olivia LOVES to 'jumpy-jumpy' on my bed, so she was watching me while jumping.

O: What's that?
M: A bra.
O: A baa?
M: Yes, it goes over Mommy's boobies.
O: I want boobies.
M: You will have them, soon enough.
O: Oh, I think I have some in my room.
O: Mommy, come hold my hands so I can jumpy high.
M: Okay
O: You don't have shirt on. You can't hold my hands if you don't have shirt on. Put shirt on first.
M: Okay.
-I go to the closet and choose an orange OSU shirt.-
O: You wearin' a orange shirt like Nana?
O: You borrowin' it from Nana?
M: No, I have one and Nana has one.
O: Oh, Nana wants her shirt back.
O: Now come hold my hands because you not naked anymore.
-So, I hold her hands so she can jump 'higher'.-
O: I'm like superman, Mommy, but I don't have a cape!

I mean really... where do these things come from?! Her language is becoming so clear and she is finally carrying on a two sided conversation. It is great and I can't wait to see what else comes out of her mouth... or maybe I can. :)