Ramblings

Okay, so if you have ever known hurt, you may have an idea where these thoughts all come from. If not, it may be hard to grasp.

- I know I am a strong person, extremely strong-willed, so why does all of this have me so bent up?

- I wake up every morning either wanting or devious.

- I want the best for my future child, unfortunately, her dad is a reject (but of course will never admit it).

- He now has two children by two different mothers and has only see his other daughter maybe 4 times since September. Did I mention he is also living with his girlfriend. It'll be no time before she is expecting as well.

- My biggest stomach turner right now is him fighting for even an ounce of custody and me having to turn my infant over to him and his very naive, twisted, and hurtful girlfriend.

- Speaking of, what woman would EVER begin a relationship with a married man? No matter how "hurt" the man is or how "unhappy" the man is in his relationship. Oh that's right, a woman who is "hurt" and "unhappy" in her own marriage. Riiiight. Sounds like destiny.

- This ex of mine has ambition to be a great guy. We had many wonderful times together. But he lies, cheats, and hurts. And the weird part is, I witnessed last night first hand that he can lie and cheat and hurt and people STILL believe him and trust him. Unfortunately, that was also me the past two years. I was able to see how naive I had been and how "mind controlling" he is over women.

- I don't enjoy being preached to about how I was or wasn't in my marriage. The only two people who get to do that are the ones who were married. No one else. Let the two people stick up for themselves without you butting in.

- When it all comes down to it, no one really matters in this whole hoopla expect me, the ex, and this baby.

- I have to find my own strength, forgiveness, and power to move on. The hardest will be forgiveness.

- Forgivness for my ex seems unimaginable. Forgiveness for myself knowing I did what I had to do to protect myself is also a far stretch.

- How long can someone really stay in a relationship knowing it's unhappy, never knowing what their husband is doing on the side? Unfortunately, out of content and fright, apparently longer than one should.

- And even know though I kicked him out before I found out I was pregnant, I have to believe and trust it was God's power in order to protect this baby.

- I dream and pray for the one man to come along. He will never instill the thought of cheating in my head, he will LOVE his family, he will provide without bragging, he will WANT to spend time with his family, he will know how to treat a woman without pain and hurt, and most importantly, he will embrace my daughter as his own and never make her feel rejected.

- My daughter will grow up knowing she was conceived with love and planning. There will be pictures of her mom and dad around her room. I will never betray her the love her father and I once had for each other. She will know love. She will know love without pain.

- It all goes back to my favorite saying... If God brings you to it, God will get you through it.

Thanks for listening.