It has been awhile.... therefore, I have things to share!

I would never throw Poptarts at my daughter in the car. It is not my fault she is riding so far in the back and I can't reach her.

I would not eat at McDonalds for breakfast, Subway for lunch, and have pecan pie for dinner. That would be disgusting. Never.

Because I love doing laundry, I would not let it sit in the clothes basket for...well...longer than it should be.

Because I am always tidy and neat, I would never notice the dust streaks on my television and then leave them there. Ew. No.

My daughter is quiet and perfect at Walmart, always. Therefore, my sister and I would never have to feed Olivia marshmallows in order to keep her quiet.

And..

I would never let my daughter eat a granola bar she found in the floorboard of the car. It is only... a day or two old. :)

Needing some reflection time!

So, this weekend has been really hard. As it is always is with a sick child and being a single Mom.

Olivia and I spent the wee hours Sunday morning in the Emergency Room. What started as just a cough on Saturday, ended with her barking and wheezing Sunday wee-morning. She was tested for Swine Flu, negative (thank God), and then diagnosed with croup. Well, croup is something that is still a mystery. It is a viral infection and affects the lungs and vocal box. Which makes breathing difficult and the barking cough.

It also affects the Mom.

The Mom who can't stand watching her daughter hold her nose and her neck indicating that something hurts, the Mom that hates listening to her daughter cough horribly while trying to rest, the Mom that gets frustrated when her daughter won't sleep in her arms, but yet cries in bed. The steroids she is on make her irritable and unable to rest. Hence, the 10:30pm driving around town last night I did just to get her to sleep. And, as her mother's daughter, she was asleep in less than a mile.

I know deep down inside I am a mighty powerful and strong woman. I know this. I believe this. I trust this. But this hurts. It hurts to be alone when I need someone to help. It hurts to be alone when I want to vent all my anger. Yes, I love my sister and my mother and the unconditional support they offer me. Yet, there is no one sharing my bed at night, no one waiting to hear how my day has gone, no one waiting to eat dinner with me. The smallest things that I miss. It is hard. It is really hard at times. Yet, I look at my beautiful, happy, smiling, singing, mimicking, dancing, kissing, pouting, gummy bear loving daughter and know that I have raised her. I have raised her with the help of all my family and friends. But mostly, I have raised her alone. I have raised her without having to share her and without having to ask someones permission or opinion.

She is all mine.

Now, let's be honest.... I don't miss.... the dirty bathrooms, the TV on all hours of the day, the dirty dishes piled in the sink, the arguments of who cooks or cleans, where to eat, how to spend the money, how much to save/spend, and who has the best ideas on _______ (insert anything you wish here).

As things slowly begin to seep out.... I am making the move to Dallas in the summer. I am making this move to better the life for my daughter and I, to be close to my sister and her family, to raise my daughter and my niece close together... but mostly, to just start over. How joyous it will be to embark on a brand new journey... one that I will set for myself, to make my own rules and memories, and to start over. Leaving my parents, my Granny, and my best friends here will be, hands down, the hardest, hardest thing I have ever done in my life. The hardest. Yet, I have had nothing but support and understanding from everyone. The thought of it all makes me have butterflies in my stomach and tears in my eyes.

Goodnight... thanks for listening.

One year later...

I see this being a very "fun" season. Haha! :)

\

Do I hear an echo?

My daughter is like a babbling brook these days. Just when I was worried about her speech, she starts imitating every word I ask of her. Lately the clearest have been Pop (my dad), bow, bowl, cat, and Whooooaaa... :)

And some pictures to enjoy!




And one year ago.............. LOOK at all that HAIR we have grown!! :)

One year ago...

Today marks the one year anniversary of my Grandfather's passing. Man, oh man, do I miss him so. I miss him everyday, I miss him anytime I need a good laugh, I miss him anytime I see a fishing rod, I miss him anytime I need a funny song, oh how I miss him.I miss him for Olivia. She will never know him, only by the pictures I have to show. She loved her Great-Grandpa. She was only 6 months when he lost his battle, but she knew him. Anytime she went to his house, she would smile. She would go to him, she would laugh with him, she would nap with him. Oh how I miss him for her.



I miss him for my Granny. She is a very, very strong woman. She never left his side, she never stopped worrying, and she never stopped caring. To this day, as hard as it is, she is still strong. She is strong for her daughters, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren. She is strong her herself. I love you, Granny.

I miss him for all of us.

Dear Grandpa,
We miss you oh so much. We are staying strong, listening to God's word, and waiting for the day when we will be together again.
Love, Goober

Olivia's Christmas Wishes

For me to remember and to share with family members...

**Updated**

- Kitchen (Which I believe Olivia is receiving from her Great-Grandmother) I found the kitchen today at Aldi! Thirty bucks = STEAL!!

- Things to go WITH her kitchen.

- Child sized broom and dust pan

- Play vacuum

- Keyboard, just an old keyboard that she can tap away at instead of using Mommy's! Thanks Uncle Rex!

- Cozy Coupe Car

Will add to as I think.... :)

Not Me Monday - Goooood stuff!!!

Oh these should be good!


I would never let my child eat so many suckers on Halloween that particles of... who knows what... stick to her face. Nope, never.My child would never lick Clifford.

This Mommy would not lure her child closer to the camera with a Tootsie Roll. Nope.
I would never allow my child to hit me in the head with a Glow Stick... laugh... think it was funny, AND allow someone to take a picture of it!Of course my daaaaahhhhling daughter would not feed my niece a french fry. Wait, maybe she would. But I know I would never allow her to do it!
I would not allow my daughter to lick 3 tubs of butter at the Mexican restaurant just to keep her quiet.And I most certainly would not take a picture of her face afterwards because it was just so cute!
Aaaaaannnddddd.... my sister and I would never allow my father to feed my niece GUACAMOLE on her pacifier!! My daughter would never force a fake smile because I said "Olivia, show me your smile!"

Others:
I would not keep my child up way past her bedtime just so that she would sleep a bit later in the morning.
I would never take my child to Target, in her pajamas, at 8:30pm just so that I can buy her the black glitter shoes.
I would never use my deceased Grandma's Handicap Tag so that I can park closer to the entrances.

Whew, I feel much better! There were more from the weekend, but that is all that I can remember!